You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
