I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Enjoy the penises
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize