I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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