I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just invented taco cereal.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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