Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
