An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
