Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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