He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
