the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
