Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
