I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
