If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
