I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
