Me. At least after what I've been through.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
