Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
