We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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