Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
