the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my liver is dry heaving
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize