I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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