fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
