are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
