We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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