She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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