I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
