Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
