i just had sex bonerless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
