No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize