I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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