I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
