Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
