Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Randomize
