pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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