Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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