Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
