I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
