I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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