im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
