My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
