Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize