John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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