So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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