the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize