i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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