I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
