i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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