Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
