he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
