love makes seman taste better
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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