It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
