Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They took my balls.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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