I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
