no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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