dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
