Define "chronic" masturbator.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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