The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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